Being Vulnerable – Showing the Authentic Self

Well this is going to be hard after being gone for a couple of weeks. However, Jeff sent me an audio of last week’s service so I was able to hear the wonderful discussion that you had. While I was sitting up at the hospital yesterday, I had lots of time to think about what was said and I wanted to share a few observations that I had. The first thing that hit me was when I was thinking about that great Leonard Cohen quote from his song, Anthem:
Ring the bells that still can ring 
Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack in everything 
That’s how the light gets in.

I have always loved that – but then something Ruth Ann said made me stop and realize what I am sure many of you will think of as blatantly obvious (but I’m a bit slow) that the crack in us when we are broken open is not to let the light in; it is to let the light out. We are being given an opportunity to see the light within and to glimpse the power that Marianne Williamson tells us that we are really afraid of. Like a fruit that must be peeled to reveal its treasure, we have to be broken open to discover ours. And, just as Mary said, we have to slow down to savor what we find, just as we do with fruit or any kind of food. I am very bad at wolfing down my food as fast as possible, but one of the best meals I have ever had was in France when we stayed at the table for four hours and really took the time to appreciate every bite – and every course and glass of ewine, and Gauloises cigarettes (which are really, really nasty!!!).

We become so caught up in trying to reach for the light, call in the light, find the light we miss the obvious: the light is always there within but it takes being broken open to see it. We are given a glimpse of the kingdom – and the kingdom is to be found within.

Just as an interesting aside, how many of you have noticed the Scripps (Channel 2) company motto? It shows up at the end of every news broadcast and has their motto for decades. (The Scripps Company was founded in 1878.) It says, “Give light and the people will find their own way.”

Anyway, I digress. Then, Scott’s remark about the word “vulnerable” being negative sent me on a search of the etymology to see exactly where it comes from. In many instances, words evolve over time and become divorced from the original meaning. It is called semantic change. One such example would be the word Awful. Originally meaning “inspiring wonder (or fear)”, it was used as a shortening for “full of awe.” In contemporary usage, however, the word usually has a negative meaning. So, anyway, I decided to see where vulnerable began and if it had evolved over time. Vulnerable comes from the Latin “vulnerare” which means to wound, to injure, or to hurt. In order to make contact at the deepest level with someone, we must show our wounds: the raw, open, exposed, painful parts of us, trusting that the person to whom we show them will not hurt us. In society today, vulnerability frequently does have a negative connotation as it is regarded as a sign of weakness. But rather than being an act of weakness, allowing another to see your vulnerabilities requires great courage. It is truly an act of faith.

Stephen Russell (Barefoot Doctor’s Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior) puts a slightly different spin on it than what we normally think. He wrote, “Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. the new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.”

So that then led me to authenticity. Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote, “The authentic self is the soul made visible.” Which I thought was wonderful. But what actually is the authentic self? Vironika Tugaleva is a young woman of Eastern European origin who, after wrestling with the teenage angst of not feeling good enough – to the point of inducing mental illness – wrote, “one spring evening in 2012, I ended up sitting on my bedroom floor with my mind strangely clear, knowing that I had to make a choice: change or die.

I weighed the pros and cons for a long time that night. If I changed, I would have to relinquish control. I would have to stop hiding and set myself free. And what would I set free? Was it a monster? What if I was hideous inside? But if I died, there would be nothing more. Nothing could get better. Still, dying meant no more pain. No more hallucinations. No more hatred. No more shame. No more anxiety.

Somehow, I made the right choice.

I woke up the next morning and realized, for the first time in my life, that I had a problem with my thoughts. I had a problem with the things I believed about myself, about people, about the past, about life. I didn’t need to change myself. I needed to learn to accept myself. I needed to heal.That day began a long journey that still continues to this very day—a journey of authenticity, vulnerability, and healing.”

She went on to write a book called, The love Mindset in which she said, “Self-discovery changes everything, including your relationships with people. When you find your authentic self, those who loved your mask are disappointed. you may end up alone, but you don’t need to stay alone. While it’s painful to sever old connections, it’s not a tragedy. it’s an opportunity. Now, you can find people who understand the importance of looking for truth and being authentic. Now you can find people who want to connect deeply, like you’ve always wanted to, instead of constant small talk and head games. Now you can have real intimacy. Now, you can find your tribe.”

I believe that this is what we have here at the Center of Light: we have found our tribe. We have a safe place to discard our masks and allow our authentic self to show up. We can take a chance and reveal our wounds. We can feel safe admitting our fear about acknowledging our own divinity, and we can nourish our inner light and inspire everyone around us to do the same. As Jesus said (Matthew 5:15), “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a lampstand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.”

I’m going to finish this morning returning to that wonderful quote from Marianne Williamson that we need to keep repeating to ourselves over and over:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”