Paths Are Made By Walking
Well, recently we have all been inundated with doom and gloom and despondency so when Mary sent me a really uplifting article, I was reminded of a piece that I shared a long time ago in 2012. It was a graduation speech by a man I had never heard of called Nipun Mehta and I’m going to share it again with you this morning because I think it is full of the most incredible wisdom.
Paths Are Made By Walking
–by Nipun Mehta, May 14, 2012[Offbeat Graduation Speech Gets Standing Ovation: 2012’s Baccalaureate speaker at the University of Pennsylvania was an unconventional choice for an Ivy League school. To address their newly-minted graduates, aspiring to dazzling careers, they picked a man who has never in his adult life, applied for a job. A man who hasn’t worked for pay in nearly a decade, and whose self-stated mission is simply “to bring smiles to the world and stillness to my heart”. This off-the-radar speaker launched his address with a startling piece of advice. Following up with four key insights gleaned from a radical 1000 km walking pilgrimage through the villages of India. As he closed his one-of-a-kind Graduation Day speech, the sea of cap and gowned students rose to their feet for a standing ovation. What follows is the full transcript of the talk by Nipun Mehta. –DailyGood Editors]
Thank you to my distinguished friends, President Amy Gutmann, Provost Vincent Price and Rev. Charles Howard for inviting me to share a few reflections on this joyous occasion. It is an honor and privilege to congratulate you — UPenn’s class of 2012.
Right now each one of you is sitting on the runway of life primed for takeoff. You are some of the world’s most gifted, elite, and driven college graduates – and you are undeniably ready to fly. So what I’m about to say next may sound a bit crazy. I want to urge you, not to fly, but to – walk. Four years ago, you walked into this marvelous laboratory of higher learning. Today, heads held high, you walk to receive your diplomas. Tomorrow, you will walk into a world of infinite possibilities.
But walking, in our high-speed world, has unfortunately fallen out of favor. The word “pedestrian” itself is used to describe something ordinary and commonplace. Yet, walking with intention has deep roots. Australia’s aboriginal youth go on walkabouts as a rite of passage; Native American tribes conduct vision quests in the wilderness; in Europe, for centuries, people have walked the Camino de Santiago, which spans the breadth of Spain. Such pilgrims place one foot firmly in front of the other, to fall in step with the rhythms of the universe and the cadence of their own hearts.
Back in 2005, six months into our marriage, my wife and I decided to “step it up” ourselves and go on a walking pilgrimage. At the peak of our efforts with ServiceSpace, we wondered if we had the capacity to put aside our worldly success and seek higher truths. Have you ever thought of something and then just known that it had to happen? It was one of those things. So we sold all our major belongings, and bought a one-way ticket to India. Our plan was to head to Mahatma Gandhi’s ashram, since he had always been an inspiration to us, and then walk South. Between the two of us, we budgeted a dollar a day, mostly for incidentals — which meant that for our survival we had to depend utterly on the kindness of strangers. We ate whatever food was offered and slept wherever place was offered.
Now, I do have to say, such ideas come with a warning: do not try this at home, because your partner might not exactly welcome this kind of honeymoon. 🙂
For us, this walk was a pilgrimage — and our goal was simply to be in a space larger than our egos, and to allow that compassion to guide us in unscripted acts of service along the way. Stripped entirely of our comfort zone and accustomed identities, could we still “keep it real”? That was our challenge.
We ended up walking 1000 kilometers over three months. In that period, we encountered the very best and the very worst of human nature — not just in others, but also within HYPERLINK “http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog.php?id=691” \t “_blank” ourselves.
Soon after we ended the pilgrimage, my uncle casually popped the million dollar question at the dinner table: “So, Nipun, what did you learn from this walk?” I didn’t know where to begin. But quite spontaneously, an acronym — W-A-L-K — came to mind, which encompassed the key lessons we had learned, and continue to relearn, even to this day. As you start the next phase of your journey, I want to share those nuggets with the hope that it might illuminate your path in some small way too.
The W in WALK stands for Witness. When you walk, you quite literally see more. Your field of vision is nearly 180 degrees, compared to 40 degrees when you’re traveling at 62 mph. Higher speeds smudge our peripheral vision, whereas walking actually broadens your canvas and dramatically shifts the objects of your attention. For instance, on our pilgrimage, we would notice the sunrise everyday, and how, at sunset, the birds would congregate for a little party of their own. Instead of adding Facebook friends online, we were actually making friends in person, often over a cup of hot “chai”. Life around us came alive in a new way.
A walking pace is the speed of community. Where high speeds facilitate separation, a slower pace gifts us an opportunity to commune.
As we traversed rural India at the speed of a couple of miles per hour, it became clear how much we could learn simply by bearing witness to the villagers’ way of life. Their entire mental model is different — the multiplication of wants is replaced by the basic fulfillment of human needs. When you are no longer preoccupied with asking for more and more stuff; then you just take what is given and give what is taken. Life is simple again. A farmer explained it to us this way: “You cannot make the clouds rain more, you cannot make the sun shine less. They are just nature’s gifts — take it or leave it.”When the things around you are seen as gifts, they are no longer a means to an end; they are the means and the end. And thus, a cow-herder will tend to his animals with the compassion of a father, a village woman will wait 3 hours for a delayed bus without a trace of anger, a child will spend countless hours fascinated by stars in the galaxy, and finding his place in the vast cosmos.
So with today’s modernized tools at your ready disposal, don’t let yourself zoom obliviously from point A to point B on the highways of life; try walking the backroads of the world, where you will witness a profoundly inextricable connection with all living things.The A in WALK stands for Accept. When walking in this way, you place yourself in the palm of the universe, and face its realities head on. We walked at the peak of summer, in merciless temperatures hovering above 120 degrees. Sometimes we were hungry, exhausted and even frustrated. Our bodies ached for just that extra drink of water, a few more moments in the shade, or just that little spark of human kindness. Many times we received that extra bit, and our hearts would overflow with gratitude. But sometimes we were abruptly refused, and we had to cultivate the capacity to accept the gifts hidden in even the most challenging of moments.
I remember one such day, when we approached a rest house along a barren highway. As heavy trucks whizzed past, we saw a sign, announcing that guests were hosted at no charge. “Ah, our lucky day,” we thought in delight. I stepped inside eagerly. The man behind the desk looked up and asked sharply, “Are you here to see the temple?” A simple yes from my lips would have instantly granted us a full meal and a room for the night. But it wouldn’t have been the truth. So instead, I said, “Well, technically, no sir. We’re on a walking pilgrimage to become better people. But we would be glad to visit the temple.” Rather abruptly, he retorted: “Um, sorry, we can’t host you.” Something about his curt arrogance triggered a slew of negative emotions. I wanted to make a snide remark in return and slam the door on my way out. Instead, I held my raging ego in check. In that state of physical and mental exhaustion, it felt like a Herculean task– but through the inner turmoil a voice surfaced within, telling me to accept the reality of this moment.
There was a quiet metamorphosis in me. I humbly let go of my defenses, accepted my fate that day, and turned to leave without a murmur. Perhaps the man behind the counter sensed this shift in me, because he yelled out just then, “So what exactly are you doing again?” After my brief explanation he said, “Look, I can’t feed you or host you, because rules are rules. But there are restrooms out in the back. You could sleep outside the male restroom and your wife can sleep outside the female restroom.” Though he was being kind, his offer felt like salt in my wounds. We had no choice but to accept.
That day we fasted and that night, we slept by the bathrooms. A small lie could’ve bought us an upgrade, but that would’ve been no pilgrimage. As I went to sleep with a wall separating me from my wife, I had this beautiful, unbidden vision of a couple climbing to the top of a mountain from two different sides. Midway through this difficult ascent, as the man contemplated giving up, a small sparrow flew by with this counsel, “Don’t quit now, friend. Your wife is eager to see you at the top.” He kept climbing. A few days later, when the wife found herself on the brink of quitting, the little sparrow showed up with the same message. Step by step, their love sustained their journey all the way to the mountaintop. Visited by the timely grace of this vision, I shed a few grateful tears — and this story became a touchstone not only in our relationship, but many other noble friendships as well.
So I encourage you to cultivate equanimity and accept whatever life tosses into your laps — when you do that, you will be blessed with the insight of an inner transformation that is yours to keep for all of time.
The L in WALK stands for Love.
The more we learned from nature, and built a kind of inner resilience to external circumstances, the more we fell into our natural state — which was to be loving. In our dominant paradigm, Hollywood has insidiously co-opted the word, but the love I’m talking about here is the kind of love that only knows one thing — to give with no strings attached. Purely. Selflessly.
Most of us believe that to give, we first need to have something to give. The trouble with that is, that when we are taking stock of what we have, we almost always make accounting errors. Oscar Wilde once quipped, “Now-a-days, people know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.” We have forgotten how to value things without a price tag. Hence, when we get to our most abundant gifts — like attention, insight, compassion — we confuse their worth because they’re, well, priceless.
On our walking pilgrimage, we noticed that those who had the least were most readily equipped to honor the priceless. In urban cities, the people we encountered began with an unspoken wariness: “Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?” In the countryside, on the other hand, villagers almost always met us with an open-hearted curiosity launching straight in with: “Hey buddy, you don’t look local. What’s your story?”In the villages, your worth wasn’t assessed by your business card, professional network or your salary. That innate simplicity allowed them to love life and cherish all its connections.
Extremely poor villagers, who couldn’t even afford their own meals, would often borrow food from their neighbors to feed us. When we tried to refuse, they would simply explain: “To us, the guest is God. This is our offering to the divine in you that connects us to each other.” Now, how could one refuse that? Street vendors often gifted us vegetables; in a very touching moment, an armless fruit-seller once insisted on giving us a slice of watermelon.
Everyone, no matter how old, would be overjoyed to give us directions, even when they weren’t fully sure of them. 🙂 And I still remember the woman who generously gave us water when we were extremely thirsty — only to later discover that she had to walk 10 kilometers at 4AM to get that one bucket of water. These people knew how to give, not because they had a lot, but because they knew how to love life. They didn’t need any credit or assurance that you would ever return to pay them back. Rather, they just trusted in the pay-it-forward circle of giving.
When you come alive in this way, you’ll realize that true generosity doesn’t start when you have some thing to give, but rather when there’s nothing in you that’s trying to take. So I hope that you will make all your precious moments an expression of loving life.
And lastly, the K in WALK stands for Know Thyself.
Sages have long informed us that when we serve others unconditionally, we shift from the me-to-the-we and connect more deeply with the other. That matrix of inter-connections allows for a profound quality of mental quietude. Like a still lake undisturbed by waves or ripples, we are then able to see clearly into who we are and how we can live in deep harmony with the environment around us.
When one foot walks, the other rests. Doing and being have to be in balance.
Our rational mind wants to rightfully ensure progress, but our intuitive mind also needs space for the emergent, unknown and unplanned to arise. Doing is certainly important, but when we aren’t aware of our internal ecosystem, we get so vested in our plans and actions, that we don’t notice the buildup of mental residue. Over time, that unconscious internal noise starts polluting our motivations, our ethics and our spirit. And so, it is critical to still the mind. A melody, after all, can only be created with the silence in between the notes.
As we walked — witnessed, accepted, loved — our vision of the world indeed grew clearer. That clarity, paradoxically enough, blurred our previous distinctions between me versus we, inner transformation versus external impact, and selfishness versus selflessness. They were inextricably connected. When a poor farmer gave me a tomato as a parting gift, with tears rolling down his eyes, was I receiving or giving? When sat for hours in silent meditation, was the benefit solely mine or would it ripple out into the world? When I lifted the haystack off an old man’s head and carried it for a kilometer, was I serving him or serving myself?
Which is to say, don’t just go through life — grow through life. It will be easy and tempting for you to arrive at reflexive answers — but make it a point, instead, to acknowledge mystery and welcome rich questions … questions that nudge you towards a greater understanding of this world and your place in it.
That’s W-A-L-K. And today, at this momentous milestone of your life, you came in walking and you will go out walking. As you walk on into a world that is increasingly aiming to move beyond the speed of thought, I hope you will each remember the importance of traveling at the speed of thoughtfulness. I hope that you will take time to witness our magnificent interconnections. That you will accept the beautiful gifts of life even when they aren’t pretty, that you will practice loving selflessly and strive to know your deepest nature.
I want to close with a story about my great grandfather. He was a man of little wealth who still managed to give every single day of his life. Each morning, he had a ritual of going on a walk — and as he walked, he diligently fed the ant hills along his path with small pinches of wheat flour. Now that is an act of micro generosity so small that it might seem utterly negligible, in the grand scheme of the universe. How does it matter? It matters in that it changed him inside. And my great grandfather’s goodness shaped the worldview of my grandparents who in turn influenced that of their children — my parents. Today those ants and the ant hills are gone, but my great grandpa’s spirit is very much embedded in all my actions and their future ripples. It is precisely these small, often invisible, acts of inner transformation that mold the stuff of our being, and bend the arc of our shared destiny.
On your walk, today and always, I wish you the eyes to see the anthills and the heart to feed them with joy.
May you be blessed. Change yourself — change the world.
The Four Stages of Spiritual Growth
By Chip Richards on Wednesday March 30th, 2016
A Guide for the journey from Victimhood to True Empowerment
Einstein has a well-shared quote in our modern day which says, “we cannot solve a problem with the same level of consciousness that created it.” This is a powerful realisation for humanity to embrace as we explore pathways to regenerate the vitality of our living planet and build systems for living that will sustain us harmoniously into the future. But if a shift in consciousness is what is required… how do we actually do (or be) that? How do we create a shift in who we are being such that it positively impacts our visions and our actions in the world? And how do we gauge our progress on the path?
In recent times, our path of personal and planetary development has been influenced by a myriad of different perspectives in science, spirituality, indigenous wisdom and multiple schools of self awareness, self development, movement and thought. Ancient and modern practices have merged with the intent of helping us shed limiting patterns and past experience in order to more powerfully align with the infinite possibilities of life.
In the mid 1980’s, author and founder of Agape International Spiritual Center Michael Beckwith introduced a simple model for understanding the Four Stages of Spiritual Growth and Development. While this is not the only guide to understand the stages of human consciousness, the context of Beckwith’s model is a practical and empowering perspective on our journey from victim-hood to empowerment, connection and oneness with the greater forces of life. Let’s take a look.
Ancient and modern practices have merged to help us align more powerfully with the infinite possibilities of life.
Stage one: ‘TO ME’
The first stage of spiritual development is what Beckwith calls the ‘To Me’ stage. It’s also referred to as the victim stage as it is an early level of awareness where our primary perception is that life is happening ‘to us’. Like a child new to the world, or someone who has not yet claimed full responsibility for his/her life, in the ‘To Me’ stage we experience ourselves at the effect of the people and circumstances of our life. There are times in each of our lives when we feel like we are on the receiving end of challenges, opportunities, relationships, job assignments, etc. and while we may have desires for a different circumstance, at the time it really feels as though ‘life is happening to us’.
As with each of the four stages, in order to move from one stage to the next, Beckwith tells us we must be willing to let go of something en route to claiming a new aspect of who we really are. In order to move from the ‘To Me’ stage of our development into stage two, what we must be willing to let go of… is blame. After reacting, resisting and blaming others (or life itself) for our circumstance, eventually we come to a place where we are ready to claim more of a sense of personal responsibility and become more of a generative force in our life. Through choice or necessity we make a shift and begin to experience ourselves taking matters of our life into our own hands.
Like a child new to the world, Stage 1 feels like life is happening “To Me.”
Stage two: ‘BY ME’
Even if we are fully justified to blame others for our current situation, there comes a time when we must realise that as long as we are making others responsible for our circumstance, we are giving away our power and limiting our ability to make the necessary changes. As we let go of the need to blame anyone (including ourselves!) for where we are, we open ourselves to shift into our next stage of development, becoming active manifestors of the path we truly want/need to be on.
During stage two, the ‘By Me’ phase of our journey, we may initially feel stretched or challenged by our circumstance, but this challenge is often what is needed for us to dig deeper and become a causative agent in our experience. This is the stage of the journey where we get to discover that we are far more capable than we realised. We are not victims of circumstance but rather creators of it.
The ‘By Me’ stage of development is often a building (or rebuilding) phase, where our actions must be grounded, real, focused and self-driven. Breakthroughs in this arena often require focused determination (and sometimes sweat!) and they leave us with the sense of personal accomplishment, “I did it! I can do it!”. In the stage of ‘By Me’, we move past victim-hood and begin to emerge with a sense of personal ownership of the life we create, earn, cause and achieve. This is a powerful step on the path.
In the “By Me” Stage, we take responsibility as active creators of our reality.
Stage three: ‘THROUGH ME’
When we have worked hard at developing skills in any activity or endeavor (from music to sports to mathematics), there is a moment when we cross over from pure focused effort to a feeling of grace and flow with what we are doing. We may have been building skills and trying the same thing over and over for quite some time, when suddenly, we go from playing the music to feeling as though the music is actually playing through us. We go from being the surfer using our skills to surf the wave, to feeling the energy of the ocean guiding our flow upon it. From being the writer of the story, to feeling as though the creative essence of the story itself is expressing through our pen onto the page.
When we enter ‘Through Me’ consciousness we go from a sense of personal significance grounded in our own achievements, to feeling a sense of humility about being part of something greater than ourselves. In order to move from the ‘By Me’ stage into stage three, what we must be willing to let go of is our need for control. As we let go of having to be the soul generator and controller of each outcome, we open ourselves up to discover a new sense of trust and connectedness to the bigger story/currents/song ready to flow through us.
Sometimes the experience of ‘Through Me’ comes as a graceful extension of personal exertion, and sometimes it arrives more abruptly as we reach the limit of our own personal skills or abilities and have no choice but to surrender, opening ourselves up to be conduits or instruments of the higher energetic forces within.
We feel a sense of humility about being part of something greater than ourselves.
Stage four: ‘AS ME’
When we let go of blame and move from our perception of life as something that happens ‘To Me’, we begin to discover our true power in life happens ‘By Me’. When we let go of the need to control, we move from our experience of life happening ‘By Me’, to discovering our connection to the greater powers of life moving ‘Through Me’. As we allow our individual expression to merge completely with the energy we are experiencing or creating in the world, we realise we are actually part of the infinite creative force of the universe, which is expressing and experiencing itself individualised ‘As Me’. I am God/spirit/universe/nature/consciousness.
As we travel through the third stage of our development and experience a sense of the greater flow moving ‘Through Me’ consistently in life or endeavour, we begin to reach this fourth leaping-off point and the simple but profound realisation that whatever is moving ‘Through Me’ is also inside of me. That this greater energetic force and I are actually made of the same source material. Like a ray of the sun or a wave in the ocean, I am actually an individualised expression of this greater force, which is now moving, breathing and acting in the world ‘As Me’.
A picture must possess a real power to generate light, and for a long time now I’ve been conscious of expressing myself through light, or rather in light. – Henri Matisse
To move beyond the experience of life occurring ‘Through Me’ and into the ‘As Me’ stage of spiritual development, what we must be willing to let go of is our sense of separation. As we do this (or rather ‘be’ this), we open ourselves to discover the experience of genuine unity or oneness in life and endeavor. We release our perception of the infinite nature of the universe as a causative energy that exists outside of us, and we open ourselves to experience this infinite nature in and ‘as’ our very being. The music, the ocean, the story are not only moving ‘Through Me’… they are the living expression of who I am. This is flow in its greatest sense and many would say it is our ultimate reason for being here. Through our actions, experiences, relationships and being, to remember and experience ourselves as unique expressions of the absolute.
The music, the ocean, the story are not only moving ‘Through Me’… they are the living expression of who I am.
Takeaways and Reflection
We each have experiences of these stages of development at different times in different areas of our life. Whether or not we arrive at a permanent state of ‘As Me’ in every aspect of our existence, it is powerful to consider what shifts we can make within ourselves to support our steps along the path.
Stage one: ‘To Me’
Life is a series of events, relationships and circumstances that happen to me.
In order to move to beyond stage one, I must be willing to let go of: blame.
In doing so, I claim/discover: responsibility and personal empowerment.
Stage two: ‘By Me’
I move into my role as a manifestor, claiming my ability to create and influence my circumstance in life.
In order to move beyond stage two, I must be willing to let go of: control.
In doing so, I discover: trust and connection with energetic forces beyond my individual self.
Stage three: ‘Through Me’
I am an instrument and conduit for Life to move and express through me.
In order to move beyond stage three, I must be willing to let go of: separation.
In doing so, I discover: oneness.
Stage four: ‘As Me’
I and the infinite forces of the universe are ONE. I am God/spirit/life, being me. At once unique and intrinsically part of the greater whole. I am one with all of life.
We each have experiences of these stages of development at different times in different areas of our life.
Is there an area of your life that you are currently seeking to create a shift in your experience?
If so, what stage of development would you currently place yourself in this area?
What might you need to let go of or claim in order to cause a shift in your own consciousness and open the path for your next stage of experience?
Each one of us is Life personalized. We are each Life as a person; therefore, each one of us contains within himself all the intelligence, the power, the faculties and the instruments for the expression of Life… To know that Life became you for a purpose and that you occupy a place no one else in all the world occupies. – Dan Custer (The Miracle of Mind Power)
Letting Go – Energy Forecast June 2017
This has been a very difficult few months for many regarding all sorts of issues so, when I came across an article entitled The Spiritual Energies of 2017 – The Year of Light (& dark)!, I thought perhaps we might find some answers. However, it turned out to be a series of energy forecasts so I am going to present the one on June this morning. If you want to read some of the others, I will gladly give you the name of the website (https://blissfullyfree.blog/2017/06/06/june-2017-energy-forecast/). This blog is written by a British intuitive, healer and empath called Sarah Shepherd.
June 2017 Energy Forecast
June 6, 2017 Sarah Shepherd
May was quite an emotional rollercoaster for many of us! You may have also found other people’s emotions running high last month, which had an impact on your own emotional state! The energy felt chaotic at times and you may have had a few restless nights as our sleep patterns were disrupted! May was a time to take stock and review how far we had come this year and make sure we were on the right path to move forward. Even thought the energy was chaotic, it wasn’t a month to rush and make hasty decisions! May was all about reclaiming our power and recognising our own strength to be able to live our lives in joy.“ Walking our own path, even when others disagree is freedom ”June brings in the new & lots of change! However the energy behind it is much more straightforward than the last few months! It is time to finally exhale after the chaotic energy we have been through recently! We are moving into a much higher vibration and forward movement should be a lot easier! However, if you are still not good with change or uncertainty, then June onwards may still be a bumpy ride! The other part of the energy is that we are seeing and feeling a lot of tension and stress in the world. This is a much lower frequency to the main energy and is created by other people’s negative emotions, so if you are feeling this, recognise them as the lower 3D vibrations and focus your energy on being in the 5D ones!!
‘Letting go’ is a key element for June and beyond. The energies moving forward are bringing fresh ideas, new structures, new relationships, new work ethics and new ways of being!! We can STOP rushing as the push/pull energy we have all experienced for so long has moved away. This is an important point! We have all become so used to rushing about and being pushed & pulled in all directions it has become the norm! Now, if you find you are still in this ‘programming’ then it is about understanding that this is your creation rather than the energies! The energies have been trying to teach us to go with the flow, listen to our intuition to know when it is time to take action or to have a rest! The push/pull energy we have experienced was part of that teaching. We have learned the hard way not to let the external carry us away and to bring our focus inward.
The amount of things happening around us is intense and it is very easy to get lost in what is happening externally. When this happens, we end up following what everyone else is doing and not listening to our own intuition as much! This creates a negative impact on our own bodies (emotional, mental, etheric. cellular and physical!) as we end up filling ourselves up with other people’s stress, fears and anxieties. This in turn can cause us to rush, take on too much, try very hard to get everything done right now and then we end up feeling overwhelmed!
We now have the chance to really find our centre this month and bring in some stillness to our ever-changing world! The energy has been chaotic for a reason and one of the main reasons is to understand how to keep our head, when everyone around us is losing theirs!! It is about stepping outside of the continual loop of life and finding our own path. When we stop for a moment and breathe, we can see the bigger picture and we bring a moment of peace to our lives. Walking our own path, even when others disagree is freedom, stopping to enjoy the moment is freedom, allowing things to flow and not pushing is freedom and being okay with where we are & what we have right now is freedom!
We are free because we have found a moment of peace in all the chaos! We are not rushing, pushing, following someone’s else’s dreams or worrying about all the things that are on our to-do-lists! When we stop for a moment and tell ourselves everything is okay and say thank you, we feel peace. The moment of peace may only last for a second, but the more we do this the longer the peace will last!!Moving into this new higher vibration means we are becoming more and more responsible for our lives. I wrote about this last month and how we are manifesting everything far quicker than ever before. If we don’t stop, allow and listen to our intuition, we will end up being swept away with everything else that is going on in the world and manifesting what we don’t want rather than want we do!!
There are a few key dates coming up in June that I wanted to mention as the energy around them can help us set our intentions for the life we wish to have and help us manifest them with love!
There is a Full Moon on 9th June, which is a wonderful time to set your intentions for the rest of 2017! Last month, I wrote about reviewing your intentions and preparing yourself for what you want to do next. Use the Full Moon’s energy to help you set those intentions you made!
The Solstice is on 20th or 21st June (depending on where you live!), which is a powerful energetic gateway. Around this time, we will receive some powerful downloads of light and the energy will intensify for about a week! It is the perfect time to do gratitude work to help expand our Heart Chakras. As we use gratitude and love to aid our expansion then the more light we will be able to allow. Use the energy around this time to celebrate our beautiful Mother Earth, each other and yourself!
There is a New Moon on 24th June, which is a fantastic time to welcome in the new! Use the New Moon’s energy to help you manifest what you want in your life. This is also a great time to practice gratitude and let the Universe know what you wish to manifest & create in your life!
I’m going to finish this morning with a blessing for June. It was created as an acrostic of the word, Blessings.
The Beauty of Space – Internally Generated Happiness
This morning we are going to discuss the latest Matt Kahn energy forecast:
Emotional Forecast – The Beauty of Space 5/4/17
written by Matt Kahn on Thursday, May 04, 2017
As I tune into the emotional bodies of energetically-sensitive souls, I am called to highlight the beauty of space as a necessary component in our spiritual evolution. Just as the secret ingredient in each recipe is the time required for all flavors to meld together, the importance of time equally assists in the integration of our highest potential, when using it wisely to offer ourselves the space we truly need. Whether it is space from the roles we play, space from seeking validation from others, space from tracking news headlines, space from constantly checking in to make sure we are aligned, or even space from needing to know where we’re meant to be next.
As the beauty of space is embraced, we allow the inner stillness of true serenity to be acknowledged as our natural state of being. Oftentimes, when we take the time to create a more spacious experience for ourselves, we become aware of how much more rest we require as we process higher frequencies of light throughout our cellular body. While greater rest can often inconvenience the ego if not used to check out from life, the soul is nourished by rest, as it allows the Universe that already knows how to heal you to complete your lifelong transformation.
If you often wonder how much longer this process will take, it’s a telltale sign that more rest is required.
In order to fulfill this week’s request from the Universe by offering yourself the beauty of space on a more consistent basis, please consider the wisdom of the following questions:What if you didn’t try to do everything all at once?
What if each day could be dedicated to just doing what needs to be done to satisfy this moment in time?
If overwhelmed by bigger projects, can you break things down into several tiny action steps to allow each day to be one step forward?
What are the addictions and distractions that take up time that could be given to creating more space and getting more rest?
What if you could focus on your needs instead of worrying how others perceive you?
What if no amount of effort can ever make others feel validated if they are not whole in themselves?
What if your wholeness is the most essential way to energetically and emotionally assist others in remembering their true worth?
What if you no longer sacrificed your health and well-being for anyone ever again?
What if the more you rest, the easier it is to see the Universe always conspiring in your highest favor? Whether this emotional forecast confirms the rest you have given yourself permission to receive, or reminds you of a priority that may have fallen by the wayside, the more you abide in the beauty of space, the easier it is to embody the frequency of heart-centered consciousness without getting pulled into the emotional swirls that others are healing.
In the new spiritual paradigm, we don’t have to get sucked into the orbit of another people’s pain in order to transform their heart through the power of empathy, compassion, and love. Instead, we give ourselves the time, space, and rest we need so when it’s time to engage with others, we are vessels of heart-centered consciousness, instead of victims of circumstance.
As the beauty of space is received at a deeper level, this week is a great opportunity to:
• Focus on what is whole, right, and good about the world in view
• Dare to compliment yourself even for the smallest successes and victories
• Choose to see the innocence of others, instead of the masks they wear
• Create space for creative self-expression
• Take the time to laugh as often as possible
• Nourish your body as a vessel of awakening by getting the rest you need
• Face the fear of abandonment and rejection by spending alone time with your heart
• Ask your inner child how you can best serve its needs, instead of trying to make it into the experience that you desire
As we dare to be in tune with today’s plan, instead of being mesmerized by life’s bigger cosmic picture, we participate in the miracle of our own healing journey as our personal contribution toward the awakening of humanity. One inspired and heartfelt choice at a time, the keys to our eternal freedom open the gates of heaven and welcome us home from the inside out.
Can you allow your path to be this outrageously simple? Are you willing to face the inner voices that worry about missing something, only to realize the only thing that’s missing is the recognition that nothing is missing? Can each fear, worry, or concern be a more intimate invitation to love what arises?
. . .
Until our next Emotional Forecast, may the beauty of space be invited into your reality to uplift your life into an eternal celebration of immaculate grace.
Many blessings beautiful ones! We love you. Matt Kahn
© Copyright 2017 True Divine Nature, LLC
AN INTERNALLY-GENERATED HAPPINESS
Do not search for happiness; it will never come from outside of you, just as the Sun’s heat is only generated internally. Look outside of your beautiful self and you will forever be a seeker, clinging to others or hating them, a victim of fate or chance and the moods, whims, desires and longings of others. Others cannot be controlled or predicted, and their deepest experience is subject to the laws of impermanence. They love you, they forget you, they punish you, they celebrate you, they want you, they lose interest, they move towards you, they move away. They act out and act in. Sometimes they keep their promises, and sometimes they don’t; sometimes they tell the truth and sometimes they can’t or won’t; and it doesn’t matter now, they are let off the hook, they are not responsible for your happiness, and they never were; please do not depend on them. Your self-worth is generated internally, the warmth of presence is always with you now.
Mummy and daddy called you good or bad, they praised or blamed you, they pushed you or pulled you, they wanted you to be like them or not be like them, they listened or did not, they were overworked or overstressed or intoxicated, they showered you with praise or took praise away without warning; they ignored, neglected or shamed you, they hit you, they touched you in ways that felt wrong and you silenced that inner voice that always KNEW it was wrong (to keep their love and keep yourself safe and keep going), but they weren’t the holders of truth, and they were in desperate pain, and they didn’t know, they didn’t know.
And now you are free, or at least you are in touch with That which was always free, because you are present, and your life is your life, and you are breathing, and you are of infinite worth as an expression of the universe, and you are entitled to feel what you feel without shame. And you have so much to give, and you don’t need to forgive, because forgiveness is built-in to presence, and there’s nothing to forgive, yet so much to feel.
You were always shining, little one, always the Source and the Sun and the Light, and nobody could touch that, nobody could ever take that away.– Jeff Foster
Sharing Our Inner Self – Finding The Authentic Self
The meditation this morning brings up again the topic of authenticity and then, at the Women’s Retreat this weekend the subject came up again leading me to believe that maybe that’s what we should look at again this morning. The theme of the Women’s Retreat was, “Living Your Soul’s Purpose” and the keynote speaker, Ann Marie Beale began by suggesting that our spiritual purpose is to wake up, be the love, and thus be authentically you. Pretty lofty goals.
Authenticity has become quite a buzzword and it keeps showing up in articles everywhere: Huffington Post, “11 Signs of a Truly Authentic Person;” and, “4 Habits of Authentic Spiritual Seekers;” Life Hack.org, “15-things-highly-authentic-people-don’t do;” Psychology Today, “4-ways-be-a more-authentic-person.”
What does it mean for someone to be truly authentic? If authenticity is defined simply as being your true self, then you really shouldn’t have to look for it. If you’re looking for it, then you haven’t got it. Will reading all these articles help you to get it, learn it, become it? The sad thing is being authentic is actually not as easy as it sounds as we try to match up to the standards and expectations imposed on us by our families our friends, and societal norms. And yet I think people recognize authenticity when they encounter it and I believe it encourages them to be more authentic.
In another article in Psychology Today, entitled Seeking Authenticity And the path to true happiness (Posted Aug 02, 2012), Mel Schwartz says,
Naturally, the word authenticity evokes an image of something pure or unadulterated. A letter of authenticity confirms that a certain object or work of art is not a counterfeit. The act of authenticating is a process of determining that something is indeed genuine, as it is purported to be. Experts receive training to authenticate precious objects, memorabilia, and documents, among other rare items. Yet we have no such method for ascertaining the authentic nature of people.
Short of being caught in a bold-faced lie or transgression, methods of determining an individual’s authenticity often go unexplored. One’s authentic nature is revealed in their ability to express and share what they think or feel in a relatively unadulterated form. Diplomacy, political correctness, false flattery, people pleasing, avoidance and silence may, in fact, be designed to mask the authentic, unfiltered self.
What does the dictionary have to say? Merriam-Webster defines authentic as a quality of being genuine and worthy of belief. Hence, a person who is completely trustworthy is deemed to be authentic. Yet to be genuine requires a certain transparency, whereby others can witness the unfiltered personality, without any masking.
Most of us are too concerned with what others think of us. As such, we may disguise or manipulate features of our personality to better assure that others aren’t judgmental or adversely reactive to us. If I worry about what others think of me, then I manipulate my personality and communication, either to seek approval or avoid disapproval. This masks my true or authentic self. Although this personality trait is commonplace, it is far removed from authenticity.
There appears to be an inverse correlation between one’s sensitivity to what others think of them and the ability to be authentic.
Authenticity requires a genuine sharing of our inner self, irrespective of the consequences. Very often, our actions in a given moment are intended to avoid certain consequences. And so we alter or mitigate our communications or behavior to assure that those consequences won’t be negative or problematic. These tendencies diminish our authenticity and they constrain our growth and self-esteem. Being authentic requires a genuine sharing in the present moment. Ordinarily, though, our thoughts conspire in a tangle of excuses as to why we can’t do something. These are the consequences to which I was previously referring. This is the core of inauthenticity; our words or actions become disguised from their original intent since we choose to mask them. When this occurs, we literally subvert our genuine self.
We might think to ourselves, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a little white lie,” or, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” or, “They won’t really care about how I feel.” It’s actually much larger than that. The greater harm done may not be to the other but to our own self. When we alter our thoughts and feelings for the purpose of a safer communication, we limit our own development. It’s as if we suppress our authenticity in deference to a safe and non-challenging communication. This devolving from our more genuine self typically begins in childhood as we encounter any host of emotional challenges. If we experience abuse, disappointment, fear, or devaluation, we begin to alter our personality as we attempt to cope with these wounds. Although the coping mechanisms are adaptive at that time, over the course of a lifetime they become masks that distance us from a more actualized sense of self.
Troubled Relationships
Even more problematically, the opportunity for a more meaningful dialogue that might generate a better understanding between parties becomes blocked, as the truth never quite gets revealed. And so the relationship remains stuck. Two individuals who struggle with their own authenticity unconsciously conspire toward an inauthentic relationship. In fact, this is one of the largest impediments to successful relationships. Two individuals struggling with their own authenticity wouldn’t likely experience a thriving relationship. Very often, what we might refer to as a troubled relationship is, in fact, a manifestation of the challenges each individual face in their own personal evolution, but just further projected onto the external relationship.
I am not suggesting that we be callous or insensitive to others’ feelings. Learning how to communicate challenging matters in a delicate and compassionate manner opens the pathway to an evolving relationship. And a commitment to personal evolution honors authenticity. When we devote ourselves to such a path, we actually cast off the burden of fear and anxiety about what others may think of us and begin to honor our own authenticity.
An authentic person may be sensitive to what others think yet choose not to subordinate themselves to the opinions or judgments of others. This is a key source of genuine self-esteem. You might begin to think of the departure from being genuine as a self-betrayal. And self-betrayal is a terribly destructive action, after all. It has many faces. Being a people pleaser or avoiding confrontation betrays your own authenticity, as you submerge yourself in deference to others. Conversely, being controlling or acting out in anger distances you from being genuine. In these circumstances, you may be more comfortable wearing the mask of anger than revealing your vulnerability. Fear and insecurity are often at the core of anger. As an aside, when people communicate their vulnerable feelings, others actually tend to listen, and validation becomes a possibility. Angry people may be feared or avoided, but they are seldom validated.
Genuine self-esteem requires avoiding self-betrayal. You can’t be true to yourself and betray your authenticity at the same time. This is not to suggest that you shouldn’t act from compassion and generosity toward others, but you shouldn’t undermine yourself in the process.
It’s the exceptional individual who seeks authenticity. Much of the problem lies in the fact that being genuine is devalued in our culture, while success, achievement, and avoiding criticism are highly prized. Our prevailing cultural imperative does little to value authenticity. This goal appears nowhere in the curricula of our education. If our primary education provided coursework that taught us how to achieve emotional intelligence and the skill set of genuine communication, we might realign our priorities accordingly. The competitive spirit honors the winners, not the most sincere. And within that motif there is a belief that being authentic may impede success. Yet one need not preclude the other.
If you untether yourself from insecurity and fear, you can set the stage for a self-empowered life. Freeing yourself from the tribulations of worrying about what others think of you emboldens you to be genuine.”
Although the quest to “be Authentically you” may be the goal of the spiritual journey, authenticity is actually a place we reach every so often as we strive to maintain a balance between respecting ourselves enough that we make space for others to respect themselves. The more times we get there the easier it becomes. Often, the only way to be more authentic is to recognize when we are inauthentic, to examine why we are inauthentic, and do what we can to bring ourselves to a place of safety where we can change how we react.
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Brené Brown
Emotional Forecast – Opening Up to Feel Safe- Matt Kahn
Emotional Forecast by Matt Kahn (Facebook: April 20th, 2017 @ 2:21pm)
“While the Universe is comprised of energy, when experienced from within physical form, energy becomes the experience of emotions. Since a recent life-changing transformation that put me fully into my body, I have decided to turn my energy updates into emotional forecasts. I did this to make all the insights I receive from Source as approachable as possible in service to the evolution of the energetically-sensitive soul. Even though I have spent most of my life in a state of ever-growing expansion, it has become clear how the trajectory in awakening is not in transcending the human condition, but transforming the human experience by grounding the soul into the body.
Whether at our Soul Gatherings, our 5-day Soul Convergence events, each Angel Academy call, or through our ongoing offerings on YouTube, the clarity of our purpose each time we come together is to transform the struggles of our human journey by inviting the insights and energies of our souls into our physical form.
With renewed purpose and excitement for the even more incredible journey that we can have together, I offer you this emotional forecast. As always, it is a bird’s eye view into the direct insights I intuitively receive from Source as it pertains to our emotional life on planet Earth.
The theme for many this week is “exposing your core vulnerability.” This means life is willing to do whatever it takes to assist you in facing the most vulnerable parts in yourself. This occurs by turning toward discomfort, instead of turning away. For some, this past week, if not the past several months, may have offered a surprising turn of events to inspire an uprising in anger, sadness, fear, worry, concern, anxiety, doubt, depression, apathy, self-judgment and regret. No matter the triggers that cause such vulnerabilities to surface, it offers you opportunities of greater heartfelt surrender. From this space, you can begin changing your relationship with vulnerability, instead of trying to deny discomfort through the pursuit of a more pleasant experience.
As we continue to learn as souls in human form, discomfort can become more comfortable when faced with honesty, openness, and compassion. You certainly don’t have to like how you feel, or even appreciate the characters and circumstances that Source uses to bamboozle you into a deeper healing process. Equally so, you always have the opportunity in every breath to surrender the attachments of personal preference to allow Source energy to internally guide you home – no matter how displaced or separate from Divinity you seem to feel.
To embrace the theme of exposing your core vulnerability by unraveling limiting belief patterns, please consider the insights of the following questions:
When was the first moment in time when being vulnerable made you unsafe or open to hurt from others?
When was being open, honest, and vulnerable too much for those around you?
When was the moment you either shut off from your feelings or turned away from your intuition, believing that in order to be liked by others you had to be more like others?
Is it possible that instead of waiting for safety in order to open up, you must first open up in order to feel safe?
With all that you’ve faced and miraculously survived, what do you have to lose by daring to open up once again?
What if fears of loss, rejection, ridicule, abandonment, and future pending moments of heartbreak are manifestations of how we’ve innocently turned away from Source by remaining shut down?
Are you willing to open up and align with Source – no matter the risk in mind?
As each of these questions inspires deep emotional cleansing to help us be more in tune with our alignment with Source, we shake off the upheavals of the past week and beyond and begin stepping forward in a new way.”
This is a good place for us to finish this week so now you have to come back next week to learn some of the strategies for moving forward and to find some of the answers to the questions!!!”
Easter – Freeing Ourselves from the Past
Today is Easter Sunday so let’s begin with an Easter story. I have told this before but we have a lot of new members so I get to tell it again. First of all, I have to apologize to any blondes here present – natural or not.
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter into Heaven if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff…” “Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and drink eggnog.” St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.” “Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the Christian holiday, that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper. Then the Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.” St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is rolled away and Jesus comes out…and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of basketball.”
At least I didn’t ask you what you call a line of 10 rabbits walking backwards – a receding hairline.
Easter is regarded in Christianity as the most important feast in the liturgical calendar. So why is it so enduring? The Protestant clergyman and academic, Douglas Horton, wrote, “On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.”
In the fundamental churches, this is a day of celebration to commemorate that Christ rose from the dead after three days. To my knowledge, there is no evidence to support that this happened at this time of year. Rather, once again, the Church chose to utilize an existing pagan festival to make the transition easier to a Christian feast day.
It is believed that the word Easter probably derived from the pagan goddess, Oestre. It is interesting to note that the countries with Germanic-based languages use the term Easter, but not the countries of the romantic languages (and also Greece): in Spanish, Easter is known as Pascua; in French, Pâques. These words are derived from the Greek and Latin Pascha or Pasch, a translation of Pesach in Hebrew for Passover. Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection occurred after he went to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover, the Jewish festival commemorating the ancient Israelites’ exodus from slavery in Egypt.
But Easter is not one day. Rather, it is an entire season from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, and the final week of the season – from Palm Sunday – is known as ‘Holy Week’. From a metaphysical perspective, one interpretation suggests that Palm Sunday represents our human emotions. It asks us to review our expectations, our hidden agendas and beliefs, both positive and negative, and to do so with humility. Each of the days is rich with symbolism culminating in the extinguishing of all light from the church by Easter Saturday, the blessing of the Easter fire and the lighting of the Pascal candle representing the risen Christ. Spy Wednesday (the day Judas betrayed Jesus) challenges us to look at the ways we betray ourselves each time we react or make the same enslaved choices. Passover, or Good Friday, is the time in which all forms of slavery are addressed. We are asked to look at the many ways in which we are enslaved (addicted) to our negative beliefs and emotions. We are challenged to examine (cross-examine if you will pardon the pun) how a belief in bitterness (anger. hate, blame, shame) will ensure we stay stuck in the past, and we are invited to release every person, or experience, that we still have negative feelings about. We are invited to forgive them although, ultimately, we are striving to forgive ourselves. (“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”) We ‘die’ to our old ego self, so that we can be ‘re-born’ in the Light and Love of Christ Consciousness.
Easter is the Celebration of our New Choice; a choice to free ourselves from the past; to rise above our negative emotions, and to bring an awareness than nothing or no-one can entomb or enslave us unless we allow it. We celebrate the life of Jesus who embodied Christ Consciousness and demonstrated how to live life lovingly, to forgive completely, and how to ‘rise-above’ negativity in any form. We rejoice as we ‘rise again’ from the ashes of our old self and commit to living our life with more Love, Light and Joy.
So perhaps the appeal of Easter is exactly what we have been talking about these last few weeks: vulnerability and authenticity. In this story, we not only see a very vulnerable man going through very human experiences – we see the son of God having trials and tribulations; even the son of God is betrayed, abandoned by his own father, but nevertheless responds with love and forgiveness. This is a story of hope, of getting back up over and over no matter how difficult the challenges – the crosses we are given to bear. Combined with the Spring season – as Laurence Binyon put it, “Nothing is certain, only the certain Spring” – this narrative is even more powerful as it reinforces the paradigm of death, destruction, and rebirth: a reminder that no matter how dark the moment, there is a light at the center of our being that can never be extinguished.
Finally, I know I have read this before but I love this quote from the Lewiston Tribune, author unknown:
Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal. It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.
Easter is the most important religious holiday in the Christian churches. Phillips Brooks, Episcopal Bishop of Massachusetts in the early 1890s, and who is remembered mainly as the lyricist of O Little Town of Bethlehem, wrote:
“Let every man and woman count himself immortal. Let him catch the revelation of Jesus in his resurrection. Let him say not merely, “Christ is risen,” but “I shall rise.””
This is the promise of Easter, subverting the fear that anything is final, especially death, and giving hope that life goes on. Today, let us be thankful for this reminder that we are simply eternal spirits that are having a series of diverse adventure in this human body to expand the experience of our Divine Source.
I am going to finish this morning with a quote by Seneca (ca. 4BC – 65AD), the Roman philosopher and statesman, who said:
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
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Forgiveness – Finding Our Authentic Self
Last week we looked at shame, authenticity, and forgiveness so I want to continue this Sunday with the same theme of forgiveness and its importance for spiritual growth. So, when I found a website called “Unravelling Reality: a Spiritual Exploration” and the first article was entitled, Forgiveness and Its Importance for Spiritual Growth, I thought maybe I was on the right path.
Forgiveness and its Importance for Spiritual Growth
“How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is thousands of times. The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough; we don’t need to do it again. But every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again and again…
How many times do we make our spouse, our children, or our parents pay for the same mistake? Every time we remember the mistake, we blame them again and send them all the emotional poison we feel at the injustice, and then we make them pay again for the same mistake. Is that justice?”
– Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four AgreementsRecently I have gone through a series of events where I have felt on some level, quite betrayed by people close to me. Some of these events were quite shocking when they happened, I was literally at loss of what to do in the moments, not sure how to react or how to deal with them. But, in a short amount of time, I did accept them and I did let them go.
Meanwhile I had been talking to a couple of friends and their own life events brought up cases that demonstrated a lack of the ability to forgive. It hurt me to see this because it made me think about my own past resentments and how much harbouring those have been hurting me, and I didn’t want my friends to hurt themselves in the same way, or for any one to do that.
“ I allow the soul of ________ to be pardoned and set free now as I AM on all timelines and dimensions; past, present and future, parallel and alternate, in all realities. And so it is. ” Matt KahnWhen I was younger I really held on tightly to things that happened to me that I thought were unjust. Really tightly. I recorded many of these events and the associated feelings down in my diary, starting from about the age of 11. I talked about them with friends; I kept many occurrences fresh in my mind.
Why? One reason was that I was scared by forgiving I would forget them and by forgiving and forgetting I would inevitably not be able to see them coming and allow them to happen again, or even worse, I would somehow repeat them myself. How often is it that we see people repeat the same mistakes of their family? I.e. if you grew up in an abusive family you then become an abusive parent?Observing my parents treatment of me as I grew up I concluded that they could not remember what it was like to be a child, or a teenager, and so this was another factor of why I clung so tightly to ‘remembering’ every wrong I felt and not forgiving – I felt if I remembered it, this would prevent me from doing the same to others. (I now feel it is not so simple as just remembering. Usually people do not ‘want’ to hurt anyone else or treat someone badly similar as they have been treated, but due to factors other than memory, find themselves repeating these actions).
There was one particularly harmful resentment that I harboured for many years relating to being physically abused. The resentment was so strong that being around the person who did that to me, even after they had long stopped, really affected me. I felt muscle tension every time they were nearby, I lost my temper quickly, I found it hard to talk in a normal tone . And these were just small symptoms of what damage that was really doing to my body, mind and soul.
I was so hurt, so affected that I harboured this resentment for over 10 years. Every time I thought about it, or anything that reminded me of it it reinforced these negative feelings in my mind, digging deeper and deeper. I became ‘attached’ to this resentment as a ‘victim’ and in effect hurt myself over and over because of my attachment, long after the events took place.
The Buddha put it very well when he said: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
And also when he said: “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished BY your anger,”
Slowly, slowly I have started to let go of this resentment, starting with changing my reactions and behaviours whenever I can, and trying to think differently – reprograming my reactions.
Just because we forgive someone when we are wronged it does not mean that what they did was okay, but it means that we do not tightly hold onto anger or resentment and we recognise that person as a human being who can’t help but make mistakes– often we need to make mistakes to learn (although I feel if we put efforts into becoming more conscious/aware we can avoid mistakes and still learn what we must).Every circumstance is different and there are for sure some circumstances where it would be unhealthy for us to spend time with someone who we feel it is hard to forgive for something. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you have to be their friend or actively involved in their lives.
By working through my past resentments and trying to release them, I have often felt frustrated that I am not there yet. There are times that I do react strongly because of past hurts, there are things I find hard to do because of the many years of being so tightly closed on this issue – and I’ve felt bad that I can’t overcome them.
My boyfriend has said things like “just forgive, just say sorry; just tell the person you love them.” I’ve felt both angry and guilty for not being able to do that; a fear of being ‘fake” if I did that stops me. I feel I am not ready. People need to work on things at their own pace – the main thing is that they are working on it.
The good news is that I’ve found even while working on those things and not being quite there yet, I have changed something in me where I tend not to hold onto new resentments. There are lots of people who have done some things that I have felt hurt me a lot – but I don’t take it so personally anymore.
Being a forgiving person helps you to see things that hurt you from the other person’s perspectives – such as their own limitations and suffering causing them to act in a way that they wouldn’t if those things were absent or if they were in ‘balance’. It doesn’t make it right, but it does help you to be more forgiving and not take other’s actions as a personal attack against yourself.
It’s okay to be angry at someone if they do something that you feel has affected you personally and is unjust. But remember that it is far easier to let go and accept in the moment than to harbour this resentment and let it ‘stick’. While I do get hurt and angry sometimes by things that I feel are not fair, I find that they slip away so much faster now. Progressing in consciousness, we should eventually find ourselves at a point where this level of awareness eliminates all anger as we can always operate from a place of love, never taking things personally, and thus, not even needing ‘forgiveness’. But that is far off for most people.
We think that we are over things simply by avoiding discussing them but if we make a conscious or subconscious decision not to forgive, we actually create a reaction that becomes hardwired into our brains. So we subconsciously react whenever something sparks that brain pattern that reminds us of the emotions we experienced at the time of the original event. Emotions and reaction become hardwired together– and the more that they are repeated the harder our reactions are to control/ undo.
By not acknowledging the need to forgive we also place ourselves at risk for becoming an “unconditional blamer”, of getting into a “victim mentality” which becomes our personality. We place ourselves at risk for not fully understanding the problem because of locking ourselves into one point of view and not acknowledging our part in the scenario.
In the book Conscious Business, Ontological Humility and Ontological Arrogance Fred Kofman describes the concept of being a ‘victim’ and how much power we have over our own happiness, our choices and our behaviours by pointing out that we are never absolute victims:
“Every person suffers the impact of factors beyond his control, so we are all, in a sense, victims. We are not, however, absolute victims. We have the ability to respond to our circumstances and influence how they affect us. …
In contrast the unconditional blamer defines his victim-identity by his helplessness….Unconditional blamers believe that their problems are always someone else’s fault, and that there’s nothing they could have done to prevent them. Consequently, they believe that there’s nothing they should do to address them. Unconditional blamers feel innocent, unfairly burdened by others who do things they “shouldn’t” do because of maliciousness or stupidity. According to the unconditional blamer, those others ‘ought” to fix the problems they created. Blamers live in a state of self-righteous indignation, trying to control people around them with their accusations and angry demands.
What the unconditional blamer does not see is that in order to claim innocence, he has to relinquish his power. If he is not part of the problem, he cannot be part of the solution. In fact, rather than being the main character of his life, the blamer is a spectator. Watching his own suffering from the sidelines, he feels “safe” because his misery is always somebody else’s fault. Blame is a tranquilizer. It soothes the blamer, sheltering him from accountability for his life. But like any drug, its soothing effect quickly turns sour, miring him in resignation and resentment. In order to avoid anxiety and guilt, the blamer must disown his freedom and power and see himself as a plaything of others.”
When reading my blog post, my partner commented that I didn’t really give any help on the process of actually overcoming our resentments. He offers the following:
”A way to help in the process of forgiveness is to become aware of others perspective. We all too some degree have resentments built into us from childhood, and they are still playing themselves out today. We need to understand that all people have these conditioned reactions in them but in different situations and circumstances. Whenever we feel frustrated, angry, withdrawn, we are playing out a conditioned reaction and we need to forgive. If we can feel any negative feeling in a situation (when we react with one of the above types of reactions) try to dissociate from the feeling by telling yourself you are having a feeling but the feeling is not you. Do not become identified with the feeling. In this moment of awareness ask yourself why do I feel this way? What is this situation bringing up in me that I’m yet to resolve, the answer might come then and there or it might come later, but to stop and become aware is the first step to coming to some sort of clarity about the situation and how we can forgive ourselves for holding onto something for so long and continually punishing ourselves.”
I agree that the most direct path would be to address the emotions as they arise when they arise. But from my own experience I also feel sometimes that this method close to impossible. The words “blind rage” originate for their reasons for example. I feel a huge part of this forgiving process occurs outside of these ‘blinding moments of extreme emotion’ and they work to prevent further occurrences and help dissolve feelings of tension, resentment etc. on a day to day basis. Sometimes the work needs to be done outside the actual feeling of the emotion. It is like taking a step back so that we can see more clearly. Processes that help with this are: meditation, thinking about/reviewing occurrences, talking about them with people you trust who will listen and help you think about them rather than tell you what to think/how to feel, reading spiritual books/watching spiritual motives etc. that talk about such topics. These are things that help you to initiate forgives, and that then give you the strength to work with these emotions as they actually happen.”
On a slightly different note, Matt Kahn offers this Radical Forgiveness statement, “I allow the soul of ________ to be pardoned and set free now as I AM on all timelines and dimensions; past, present and future, parallel and alternate, in all realities. And so it is.”
Once again, he is trying to get you to focus on the present moment.
Lao Tzu says, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Back to the article. Kara continues:
A really good book that I recommend that deals with the subject of resentments becoming hard-wired into our brains, creating reactions that become who we ‘are’ is, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose your Mind and Create a New One” by Joe Dispenza.
Breaking the habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza
I feel that a huge part of becoming more spiritually aware and evolve consciously is to truly know the value and importance of forgiving. We all have people that have hurt us, but we must learn how to forgive so that we do not create more and more unconscious reactions, and close ourselves off from growth and learning, and love.
The more consciously aware we are, the more we are able to forgive. The more we are able to forgive, the more conscious we become.
A FORGIVING MOMENT
Don’t try to forgive.
Forgiveness is not a ‘doing’.
Simply accept that this moment is exactly the way it is right now.
And the past was the way it was.
Accept your non-acceptance in the present. Forgive your inability to forgive. Feel your breath, the sensations in your body, the life that burns brightly in you.
Everyone is doing their best, even when it seems like they are doing their worst. Everyone is dreaming or having a nightmare, battling with pain you may never understand. You don’t have to condone their actions. You may not be able to wake them up. You don’t have to like what happened.
Simply let go of the illusion that it could have been any different. You are different now, anyhow. Don’t focus on something you have no control over. The past is a distant land.
Bring your attention back to this moment,
Your source of true power.
Your place of connectedness.
Wake up from the dream
That anyone has any power
To take away your inner peace.
Drop the need to be right.
Embrace the need to be free.
Come out of the story of ‘my life’.
Reclaim the moment.
Be here, in your new life.
Show up for this brand new day.
This is forgiveness.”
– Jeff Foster
Healing Shame and Guilt – Finding Our Authentic Self
We have been on a journey of self-discovery these last few weeks, looking at the roles of guilt and shame that impede our progress to being fully authentic. And so, having found out how to expose shame and guilt to keep them from continuing, we are now going to look at how to get rid of them, and the short answer is forgiveness. When I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that all of these things like love, forgiveness, acceptance – even hypnosis – share one thing in common: they are all states that are of the self: self-love; self-forgiveness, etc. In other words, whatever you think of or do to others, you are projecting what you think about yourself, so in order to change how you perceive everyone else, you have to change what you think of and how you treat yourself. So this is an obtuse way of explaining Oneness and how Ho’oponopono works.
First of all, we need to define the distinction between guilt and shame. Brene Brown says that they can be perceived like this:
GUILT says, “What I did was bad”
SHAME says, “I, myself, am bad”
In her blog, “Forgiving Shame,” on the site “A Spiritual Evolution” Louisa P. says, “When I got sober, I carried a lot of guilt – and rightly so! I’d screwed over just about everyone unlucky enough to have let me into their life. But over the next year or ten, I learned to stop engaging in harmful behaviors (at least, those I can perceive) and seek a life rooted in the values of honor and kindness.
So when I say I still experience times when shame seems imbued in my very cells, when the conviction flares that I’m secretly wrong, bad, even evil, I’m not crying out for help. I’m trying to help us both. Because if you, too, were raised by parents who somehow shamed you or are simply prone to self-criticism, then that same undertone of shame reverberates in your bones as well.
Most of the time, we ignore it like some kind of emotional tinnitus, so the feeling doesn’t register. “What, me? shameful? That’s absurd!” But then life happens. We screw up or feel exposed in some way and ~ BOOM!! That accumulation of denied self-condemnation drops on us like a Monty Python 16-ton weight. We’re flattened, aching from a wound that has far less to do with what just happened than scars buried deep in our soul.”
She continues, “Chronic shame cripples our efforts to live authentically. It hisses that we’re never to question others’ expectations, make waves, or stand out. It’s the voice of fear, not god. To be exactly who we’re created to be, to share our gifts unabashedly with the world – that’s what we’re here for.”
In another blog entitled Overcoming Shame: Forgive Yourself and Let Go by Jennifer Chrisman on , she begins with a unknown quote:
“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown
I haven’t always been the woman I am today. I used to be scared. Of everything. And everyone. Painfully shy and insecure, I saw myself as a victim of my circumstances, and was always waiting, on guard, for the next rejection. I masked my insecurity in a blanket of perfectionism, and worked hard to put forth the image that I had everything together and had it all figured out.
I did a good job looking the part. On the outside most people just saw an attractive, intelligent, successful woman, and had very little awareness or understanding of the pain and fear that was living inside. To further protect myself, I oftentimes took advantage of knowing that others believed my facade. I believed myself to be unworthy of love or loving, and there were times when the only way I knew to feel good about myself was to treat others harshly, often by knowing I could intimidate them just by being my “perfect” self. I had split the world into people that I was either better than or less than.
“ To release that part of your past that you need to forgive, it’s helpful to remember that we’re all doing the best we can in any moment. ”It’s been said that someone once asked the Buddha whether it was possible to be critical and judgmental of other people and not treat oneself the same way. He said that if one is critical and judgmental of others, it is impossible not to treat oneself the same. And that while at times it appears that people can be judgmental toward others, but seem completely satisfied themselves, this is just not possible. How we treat others is how we treat ourselves, and vice versa.
I’ve spent the last four years working on finding compassion for myself and those who I blamed for my pain, embracing the concept of self-love so that I could find a sense of peace within. I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come and the life that I lead today. However, it was recently brought to my attention that, despite the hard work I’ve done and the large shifts I’ve made, there are still some people who have a negative perception of me, and some hurtful words were used to describe my qualities and attributes.
When this was shared with me, I immediately felt the stinging pain of rejection and my automatic response was to go to shame. I felt really bad about myself. Aside from the fact that I don’t think it ever feels good to hear that someone doesn’t like you, I’ve spent a long time working to heal these very wounded parts of myself, and in a moment they were all brought back to the surface in a very painful way.
When memories arise of behaviors and situations we’re not proud of, it can be easy to turn to shame. However, shame has very little usefulness, as it oftentimes serves to shut us down, isolate, and close ourselves off from others and our own healing.”
So how do you forgive yourself? In an article in Psychology Today entitled How to Forgive Yourself and Move on From the Past, Matt James says, “Understanding why self-forgiveness is difficult can give us clues to make it easier:
He then goes on to give 4 ways, each one prefaced by a quote:
1) “God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won’t.” – Alfred Korzybski
When we’ve done something “wrong,” we register it in our nervous system. An injury to someone else might be accompanied by guilt. A mistake that costs us something we want might have sadness attached to it. When we’ve done something we regret, we often connect it to a limiting belief like, “I’m always saying the wrong things” or “I’ll never be able to cover my bills.”
If we try to forgive ourselves for something without releasing the underlying emotion or belief we’ve attached to it, the forgiveness just doesn’t take. No matter how hard you try to forgive, you continue to beat yourself up for whatever happened— because your nervous system tells you to!
What to do about that? Identify the limiting belief or negative emotion you’ve attached to what you’re trying to forgive in yourself. Release that first and you’ll find that forgiving yourself is not that difficult.
2) “Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” – Gerald Jampolsky
We tend to think of ourselves as a continuum: a human being that begins with our past, moves briefly through our present and heads toward our future. Letting go of our own past—or the past that we have created in our heads—can feel shaky and “ungrounded,” like a boat that has slipped its mooring.
When we try to forgive ourselves, we’re trying to release something that feels like it is part of us. We’re releasing who we were in the moment that we did whatever it was. When we forgive what someone else has done, in a sense it feels easier. We’re releasing a part of our past that isn’t essentially who we are—unless we’ve told the story of that hurt so frequently that we’ve built our identity around it! In that case, it becomes hard to forgive the other person because the transgression and our reaction has become central to how we define ourselves.
To release that part of your past that you need to forgive, it’s helpful to remember that we’re all doing the best we can in any moment. If you had known that your action would cause pain to others or yourself, you probably wouldn’t have done it, right? And even if you knew that you were causing damage at the time, you had no idea how much you would regret it in the future.
3) Retain what you learned from the event but release everything else.
“The chief trick to making good mistakes is not to hide them—especially not from yourself.” – Daniel Dennett
To many of us, seeing ourselves as flawed feels vulnerable and even scary. We’re basically wired to survive, and beings that make too many mistakes typically get ousted from the gene pool! Even our educational system tells us that anything that is not “right,” is “bad” and deserves some form of punishment. So we try to avoid mistakes at all costs, and when we do make a misstep, our first impulse is to hide it.
In order to forgive ourselves, we first have to admit to ourselves that we blew it. We have to take ownership and acknowledge the flaw or mistake—and that feels almost counter to our sense of survival!
It’s helpful to remember that mistakes, failures and even incredibly stupid acts are part of being human. It’s how we learn and grow. If you’re never embarrassed or wrong and if you never make a mistake, you’re probably staying within a pretty narrow comfort zone.
4) Appreciate your missteps for what they are: a stepping stone on your path.
“One forgives to the degree that one loves.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
When you really love someone, isn’t it easier to forgive them? If you have a trusting, loving relationship and your friend or significant other does something that hurts you, aren’t you more likely to see that transgression as a one-time event? Don’t you refer back to the goodness you love in them?
A lot of us don’t have that loving, trusting relationship with ourselves. Many of us are much more critical of ourselves than we are of others. We’ll give other people the benefit of the doubt, but won’t give ourselves any slack at all. When you’re dealing with a person you don’t trust or like, most often you can choose to forgive, release the hurt, and simply not maintain contact with them anymore. With yourself? Not an option. You don’t get to quit, divorce or walk away from yourself. If you don’t love and appreciate yourself, somehow you have to get your relationship with you to be more positive.”
That last sentence is so easy for him to say, but so hard for us to do.
I want to finish this week with a quote by Leo Buscaglia that takes us back to the Oneness we began with in the beginning. He said:
“Love yourself – accept yourself – forgive yourself – and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.”
Negative Feelings Are Our Wisdom – The Authentic Self
Last Sunday we discussed our shadow side and why it is often kept hidden – sometimes because we are ashamed of something, and other times because we are unaware of whose voice or what motive is driving our behavior. Many times, problems arise when we try to completely eradicate the “negative” parts of us. Pema Chodron says, “By trying to get rid of “negativity,” by trying to eradicate it, by putting it into a column labelled “bad,” we are throwing away our wisdom as well, because everything in us is creative energy—particularly our strong emotions. They are filled with life-force.
There is nothing wrong with negativity per se; the problem is that we never see it, we never honor it, we never look into its heart. We don’t taste our negativity, smell it, get to know it. Instead, we are always trying to get rid of it by punching someone in the face, by slandering someone, by punishing ourselves, or by repressing our feelings. In between repression and acting out, however, there is something wise and profound and timeless.
If we just try to get rid of negative feelings, we don’t realize that those feelings are our wisdom. So, how do you get in touch with the negative feelings? And is the shadow a collective of only negative feelings? And how do you make friends with your Shadow Side? If you do a search on Google for How to Make Friends with Your Shadow Side, it comes back with 31,300,000 in .81 seconds. I read 31,000,000 of them but the last 300,000 did me in : ).
In the midst of all my reading, I found an interesting comment in an article entitled, How to Make Friends with Your Shadow Sidethat said:
The shadow is often talked about in the negative, but it’s not just about dredging up our deepest, darkest, weirdest bits. Alongside the less shiny-shiny aspects of ourselves, we can also uncover the “golden shadow.” This can show up as a higher calling, unexplored potential, or submerged greatness. It can manifest as things we admire or envy in others.
Then I came across a really interesting article on a site called The Stillness Project and, believe it or not, it was entitled, :How to Make Friends with Your Shadow Side (https://stillnessproject.com/friends-with-shadow-side/). The founder, Tom Cronin, says:
“Have you noticed that you have this dark thing that follows you around everywhere? It never seems to leave your side does it? Well, lately mine has become a big part of my life again. Yep, that pesky shadow was back and begging for some attention.See this shadow of mine played a big part in my life many years ago. It caused pain in a lot of peoples lives including mine. It lured me down dark laneways, it lead me to do crazy things and was also the part of me that beat myself up about it afterwards. When your shadow side plays a big part in your life, your life becomes just that, a dark shadow. Where your attention goes, it grows.
I spent a lot of time in my life devoted to removing my shadow. I recognised that part of me that was dark and heavy and then I discovered another side to me that was light and well…light! I began to put more attention on my light and life changed dramatically. Over time I forgot that there was even a shadow there because I looked forward towards the light and yearned to be one with it. My life flowed with light and love and everything flourished. Aah, the Bliss of Being.
But lately my attention shifted again, and I looked behind me and saw that yes, the shadow was still there. I couldn’t ignore it and in fact, it completely pulled me in to its story. I felt the shame, the guilt, the pain and the vulnerability. Why are you still here? After all these years! I thought I got rid of you. Darn it! I could feel the spiral pull me down. It reminded me of a book I once read called The Shadow Effect where Deepak Chopra teamed up with Marianne Williamson and Debbie Ford to share their views on our shadow side. In this book Marianne Williamson writes:
“We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes. We feel that if we take a deep look at ourselves, we’ll be too exposed. But the thing we should actually fear is not looking at it, for our denial of the shadow is exactly what fuels it. One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with.”
Yes Marianne, this is exactly it! I am here because the darkness of my shadow compelled me to move in the direction of the light. The shadow was an integral part of my journey as it is yours. It’s the key to the life we live. As Debbie Ford says:
“The conflict between who we are and who we want to be is at the core of the human struggle. Duality, in fact, lies at the very center of the human experience. It is because of our unexamined life, our darker self, our shadow self where our unclaimed power lies hidden. It is here, in this least likely place, that we will find the key to unlock our strength, our happiness, and our ability to live out our dreams.”
I’ve been going deep into contemplation about my shadow and one thing that came to me was that I only have a shadow when I am blocking the light. This is in effect what a shadow is right? It only occurs when I block light. The Earth has a shadow, the moon has one, and you have one. Anything that is blocking the light will create a shadow.
But then I thought, hang on; the sun doesn’t have one does it? Why is that? Because the sun IS the light. The light doesn’t have shadows, only the things that block light do.
So if I truly wanted to remove the shadow, then I must BE THE LIGHT. I must be love. Just be that. This made me ponder is there a way to BE pure Light without a shadow or do I accept that I will always have a shadow? Does an enlightened Buddha, a Christ or a Saint have a shadow still? What do you think?”
I would like to mention that many of the articles postulated that creativity is often driven by the Shadow Side which is what Pema Chodron suggested at the beginning of this discussion. Justine Musk in an article about How to Make Friends with You Shadow Self gives a representation of many when she says:
“Creative work is about the expression of your innermost self. In the end, we are what we make.
When we talk about creating, so often we talk about developing the ability to “go there”: behind the socially polished persona, beneath the surface layers, to tap into the stuff we don’t show people – or even ourselves.
That’s where the juice is.
That’s where the vulnerability is – and it’s our vulnerability that makes us loveable, that connects us to other people. That makes us authentic. You cannot connect to the world in an authentic way if you’re not willing to express that self to begin with.”
And so we find ourselves going full circle again with confronting the shadow self requiring us to be vulnerable and vulnerability leading to authenticity. As Rabbi George Gittleman said (thank you to Jeff for this quote), “Some people think vulnerability is just about being weak or narcissistic, without boundaries, letting it all hang out, wearing your emotions on your shirt sleeves. Not true. Vulnerability is about courage, authenticity and faith. Being vulnerable is being real, showing up, and living your truth. It is also about reciprocity.”
And I am going to finish this morning with another Carl Jung quote.
He said:
“To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle.”